The Internets
"O RLY?" :::—Glenn Beck ::"YA RLY!" :::—Nancy Grace ::"NO WAI!!!!11" :::—Glenn Beck The Internets, which can also be called internet or teh intarnet is a series of tubes which run underground transferring data and pornography and Electronic-Mail all across the United States, and Canadia. But not Europe. There are no internets in Europe. Stephen is a fan of the internets. Origins The Internets were invented in the early 1980s by then Senator Al Gore. They run under the floorboards of your house. Go ahead and rip them up. We'll wait here. Gore's purpose for creating the internets was to spread the word of godless communists and liberals. Global warming is suspected to also be involved somehow. In the late 1990s, Gore performed a vasectomy on the Internets to keep anyone from making more of them, so that he could reap all the riches and use them to breed owls. When Al Gore first created The Internets, he tried to keep them secret, but Hero Bill Gates added some software to trace them into every american computer. You can access this software by changing your screen saver to "3D Pipes". Nature of the Internets ::"The Internets (sic) is not just something you dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's, it's a series of tubes!" :::—Ted Stevens Massive, massive tubes. Tangled up tubes. Concerns About the Internets The Internets can get clogged up from time to time, especially if too many pieces of large media, such as movies, are put in at once. This can lead to you not receiving any internets that, perhaps, your staff had sent you, or more importantly, your Chuck Norris jokes. The only way to clear a clog is to use lottery balls to flush it out. It should also be noted that horses can also easily move through the tubes, as they have legs and therefore can run through. What the Internets is not *The internets is NOT a dump truck. With a few notable exceptions, you cannot masturbate to it, therefore, it is not the Internets. *The internets is NOT an old man with a glass eye. Although some old men with glass eyes may use the internets. The internets is, however, a series of tubes. Too much time on the internets can cause all your base are belong to us. The Three Useful Sites on the Internets (Plus 2) While the the internets is extremely large, it contains only three useful websites, plus two: * KittenWars.com * ColbertNation.com * The Port Authorities Website the Plus 2... * Wikiality * Stephen, Jr. tracker Important Ways People Use The Internets * webpages containing information * E-mail * Instant Messages * Distributing porn * Spreading truthiness * Tracking Stephen, Jr. * Allegedly sending dirty messages to studs while working on Capitol Hill. Other Worthy Sites From Other Tubes of The Internets * Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure * Colbert Nation, rock on you crazy kids. * Colbinista HQ, for all official Colbinistas. * Send Senator Stevens an Internet.